Too Much or Not Enough?

Depends on who you ask. 

My whole life I've been told I'm too much. I talk too much, I think too much, I'm too emotional, too loud etc. And for my whole life, I've been telling myself that this is true.

Until now.
​Well, I'm working on it. 

In a world where it seems everyone struggles with being "not enough", I'm constantly struggling with how to tone it down, keep it to myself, not overthink, and feel less... all so I can be just enough and not "too much". 

The knowledge and guidance I often turn to while working inward are the Yamas and Niyamas, the ethical principles of yoga.
Yamas = How we treat the world around us
Niyamas = How we treat ourselves

More specifically in this instance, I grab my journal and turn to the Yama Bramacharya.

This reminder has been on my fridge since yoga teacher training in 2016

Bramacharya asks us to take a step back, enter a space for discernment, and acknowledge the moment when we've had "just enough". Anything past that point is "too much".

This "work" we do on our Selves (self with a capital "S" refers to the higher Self), is lifelong. The work begins by creating space. Space to think, breathe, ground, feel, and work in. 
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​Your higher Self knows better, you just have to tune in to it and choose to listen. 

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My work in began the day I stepped on a yoga mat and will last my entire life. My work deepened after teacher training in 2016, then again in 2018 (when I stepped away from the corporate world), and then most recently these past 8 days (quarantine).

Here's some of what I've learned so far, whether you view it as true is up to you! Like one of my teachers says, "take it, or leave it."

Foundation
Beginner's mindset, building from the ground up, learning, re-learning, un-learning... No matter where we're starting or what we're building, the foundation needs to be SOLID. Also, learning is not linear.

Alignment
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And, if it is broke, well... maybe it's supposed to be.
At the end of the day, words are words, thoughts are thoughts, and actions speak volumes.
If actions don't match the spoken/written words, RE-align. 

Old thought: "I should listen more and talk less"
New thought: "I need to talk more with those I align with and listen less to those I don't."

Authenticity
What you see is what you get, what you hear is what you choose to listen to, and what you feel has everything to do with whether or not you're willing and able to bypass the mind and have tough conversations with your Self. We don't always need to listen with our ears. 

I feel feels. I let my intuition guide and my heart lead. Is this process a strength? Is this a weakness? Depends on who you ask... either way, I'm owning my strengths and strengthening my weaknesses.

Affirmation
I do not know everything. I will never know everything.... and it sure feels good to hear/feel/receive affirmations that align and strengthen what I believe.

In the meantime, here's a playlist.

​Keep learning.
Stay humble.
Be kind. ​